Ok You Got Me…Now What
March 15, 2008 – 1:10 amSo I was recently reading the post 7 Signs That You’re Living in Denial on Dumb Little Man. Great Post. It got me on several points:
- I am above failure
- I suppose I’ve failed a one or two times in the past but that’s basically negligible compared to others
- If You Want Something Done Right, Do It Yourself
- That’s why I’m rewriting the entire post that I referenced (j/k)
- Everyone else is wrong
- That’s why I’m writing this post, to rebuttal the apparent fact that I am in denial
I think others would probably say that I’ve got all the other things going for me as well. I would pretty much agree on occassion. Maybe I’m the only one who sees them though. I am a firstborn after all.
At any rate. I think it would have been nice to follow up with at least a few tips regarding how to start dealing with the issues of denial. Of course “knowledge is half the battle”, but in my experience, the other 95% is just plain hard work and sacrifice.
Yes you’re right, that would equal 145%. And that’s how much effort I think it actually takes to change deep rooted ways of life. Trust me. I’ve been working hard at a couple of them for nearly a year, and they’re still showing up from time to time.
4 Responses to “Ok You Got Me…Now What”
First of all, your website is suuuper slow recently. Might wanna check that out. I get too impatient half the time and just move on to my usual porn sites instead.
Anyway, I do have one good tip regarding living in denial since you were seeking. “Love yourself.” Before anyone else. Even your wife. Even your kids. Even your parents. Love yourself first. I believe many reasons of living in denial begins from worrying about how they live will affect others or appear to others. Living in denial usually means you’re living your life in a way which you do not prefer. And that usually is because you fear you won’t be treated the way you’d like to if you lived it the way YOU want. And you have that fear because you feel you don’t deserve a good treatment from people around you because you are not good enough for them.
So you end up living a life with main focus on pleasing other people in order to obtain their love or respect. And when you get that love/respect, you tell your brain that that’s how you get your love/respect so you continue living your life based on other people’s values/preference instead of your own.
If you had strong self-love from the get go, you wouldn’t need to cater your life to what other people want it to be because you will know that people who are close to you will love you no matter how you choose to live your life.
To simply put, just take a moment and think about it. You only have one life and incredibly short one at that with a possibility to end in any minute. How DARE you live it ANY OTHER WAY than EXACTLY the way YOU want it?
I think I have little closer relation to this topic than others because I experienced it first hand and perhaps even still experiencing it. I had thought about marrying a nice Korean girl, have few kids, just to please my parents. I had thought about hiding my details at work to please few conservative coworkers. But you know what, in the end, only one who’s going to end up with craploads of regret is myself. So I finally decided to put me before strangers. Put me before coworkers. Put me before my family. As the popular saying goes, how can you love others if you can’t even love yourself? As for people who are close to you, if they really care about you, they should love you no matter how you choose to live your life as long as it’s not causing harm to others. And if they can’t, they apparently don’t really care about you so you don’t need to really give a damn.
By Alejandro on Mar 16, 2008
I think you certainly had some good points there. I don’t know what I think about loving yourself first because that seems a little narcissistic. BUT I do think that you’re on to something with trying to please others, although this is something I’ve never had a hard time with. In fact, I think I’m the opposite sometimes–playing the devil’s advocate.
There is one passage that I am reminded of in the Bible that really fits with what you’re saying. “Love your neighbor as yourself,” which to me implies that you have to love yourself in order to love your neighbor.
I’m sure glad you opened up! I get a chance to accept you as you are rather than a fake version of you.
On another note, the website is being HORRID. I’ve got the thing super optimized and clocked it loading at 1 second before all this happened. I called the web host tonight but they couldn’t figure out what was going on. I will give it another shot tomorrow. I think it’s the database server. Checked a couple of other sites on this server and they seem to be doing the same thing.
By Dustin Boston on Mar 16, 2008
Don’t just drop a line.. explain!
I want to know which part I said sounded narcissistic to you because I don’t think I’ve said anything that sound THAT conceited. Yes I might’ve been little bit TO THE TEE on the line about living the life exactly as you want. I know you have to compromise when you get married and have kids etc. I was talking more in terms of general lifestyle. Let’s say for example, your wife hates motorcycles so you stop riding it completely. That’d be living in denial whereas riding it less frequently and taking extra classes to become a safe rider would be a good compromise without sacrificing YOUR desires. So my main point was that you shouldn’t have to give up things you love in your life for other people just because it doesn’t fit in THEIR view. Now tell me if that sounds selfish to you.
By Alejandro on Mar 17, 2008
oh. and your smiley messes up the style. mneh. <– that’s smiley sound. didn’t want to use it and mess up this comment also.
By Alejandro on Mar 17, 2008